Buick Rendezvous: The Oppo Review

"Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To" (murdersofa)
05/19/2015 at 17:20 • Filed to: None

Working at a used car dealership in the ghetto has done things to me. For starters, it has made me racist as hell. But it has also made me get far more excited than I should for mediocre used vehicles. This 2005 Buick Rendezvous (what a stupid, stupid word) is one of those.

The Buick Rendezvous is a result of Buick looking at the Pontiac Aztek, saying “I want that”, then looking at a Buick Park Avenue and saying “but I want it to be as comfy as that” and this is the result.

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Meh. The Rendezvous looks like a weird hybrid between a GMC Envoy, an Aztek, and a Chevy Venture. It’s an odd blob with sharp Envoy-like creases and a very distinct rear window/tail light configuration that makes it impossible to mistake for any other vehicle. Honestly, it looks damn good in some colors and utterly disgusting in others. In most colors, though, it’s just bland. This color is ‘meh’ incarnate.

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I have an unreasonably large boner for two-tone brown interiors. This particular model is light tan underskirt and the upper half is a coffee brown (much different than what shows up in the pictures). Fake wood is slathered absolutely everywhere, but is rather easy to ignore. The gauges are concave instead of a flat face, which is cool, and the center console is laid out in a way that makes sense.

Switchgear in this car is great. See that row of switches below the HVAC controls? Clicky. SUPER clicky. Click-clack-click-clack. Unfortunately they’re not functions you use very much, but you’ll want to because they make you feel like a fighter pilot.

The leather seats are typical Buick fare in that they’re comfy, supportive, with next to no bolstering or anything to keep you from sliding sideways and falling into the absolutely cavernous center console.

Seriously, look at this shit. It was designed to hold a laptop and accessories, and I believe there’s a 110v outlet in there (I forgot to look hard enough for it) to charge it with. Pretty sweet.

Oh, look. More storage.

Let’s take a look in the back. What is there?

Even.

More.

Storage.

I’m pretty sure this car could support a small community of hobos.

Hnng two-tone.

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This vehicle is a weird beast. It’s an early crossover based on a minivan platform but reengineered by Buick with the intention of being luxurious and car-like. As such, they used the boat-like enormous Buick Park Avenue as a target for ride dynamics. The result is, oddly enough, a car that handles better than a Park Avenue. The Rendezvous does not feel at all like the large-ish truck-thing that it is. Instead of driving like an Envoy (which is somewhat similarly sized) it felt more like a 2001 Regal GS, except that you were sitting really really high . I suppose that’s the appeal of crossovers; car-like handling, truck-like visibility.

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Probably quicker than the Murdersofa. It honestly looked and felt like it, which is embarrassing. Let’s move on.

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The engine is nothing to write home about as far as noise, because it’s a luxury car and honestly who gives a damn. The stereo, though. Oh my gosh the stereo. I dunno what wizardry Buick uses for their sound systems but they’re consistently the best stock systems I’ve ever heard, even beating out the umpteen-speaker Bose system in my bosses S600. This is by far the best. A rap CD was left in the car, and when I turned on the car the volume was cranked and instantly I started getting a massage from what I assumed was a 12-inch sealed subwoofer. I dunno what that car has in it, as all I coudl find were some 4.5” mids in the front doors, a couple tweeters in the upper doors, and two 6x9s in the rear (basically the same setup as any concert sound II equipped LeSabre/Park Ave/Regal/Century), but it was able to shake the entire vehicle. It was legitimately impressive, and the mids/highs weren’t bad, either, and a 3-band equalizer let you tune things for your listening pleasure .

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I want one.

DISCUSSION (36)

jkm7680 > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
05/19/2015 at 17:22

YOU WANT ONE OF THOSE THINGS? EUCHHH.

Luxury cars can be many things, but a Buick Rendezvous is not one of them.

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
05/19/2015 at 17:23

Kid I hung out with when I was in elementary school (because our parents encouraged it) had one of these (read: his mom did). Hideous thing.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > jkm7680
05/19/2015 at 17:24

I liked it. More comfortable than typical SUVs, excessive amounts of nifty oversized storage bins, and generally rather nice. I wouldn’t say it’s “luxury”, but it’s “nicer than most alternatives”

jkm7680 > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
05/19/2015 at 17:26

oookey

Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast. > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
05/19/2015 at 17:27

Don’t be racist, learn to hate people on an individual basis. It’s much more rewarding.

Jonathan Harper > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
05/19/2015 at 17:29

fix’d the headline for you:

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LongbowMkII > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
05/19/2015 at 17:29

the rear under floor storage seems like a good place to lose something.

probably a popular car for successful drug dealers.

Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast.
05/19/2015 at 17:30

Or just hate everyone until an individual gives you a reason not to?

Textured Soy Protein > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
05/19/2015 at 17:31

Maybe if you get one it will make you less racist. That would be a good thing. Racism is bad, mmmkay.

Vicente Esteve > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
05/19/2015 at 17:32

In which color does this look good?

Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
05/19/2015 at 17:33

I wouldn't buy one, but it's your choice

Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast. > Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies
05/19/2015 at 17:34

Too time consuming. Assholes will reveal themselves without you having to do the sorting work.

Nibbles > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
05/19/2015 at 17:39

If the Rendezvous has a sub, it has the 8 speaker system. Two pillar tweeters, two mids in the front doors, two mids in the rear doors, two large speakers in the rear cargo area and one hidden 8’’ woofer under the center console (IIRC).

I sold these things when they came out and secretly wanted a CXL in pearl white with the tan leather and 3rd row seating. Because you can pull the middle row out and basically make the fucker a limousine.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Vicente Esteve
05/19/2015 at 17:41

Black, as all luxury cars should be.

Kinja'd!!!

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Jonathan Harper
05/19/2015 at 17:41

I laughed.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Nibbles
05/19/2015 at 17:43

Pearl white is the second best looking color. The refresh in black looks fantastic.

Kinja'd!!!

yamahog > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
05/19/2015 at 17:43

Well, at least you’ve got unique taste, you do you!

PS Not sure if bragging or just admitting personal shortcomings re: the “racist as hell” part, but maybe consider being less biased against your fellow humans?

Confused Miata > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
05/19/2015 at 17:44

I owned one from 2011 to 2013. It was a 2005 CXL with the 3.4 and AWD. It was wonderfully comfortable, did ok in the snow, and wasn’t the worst gas mileage. I once tried to drive up Andrews Lake Rd (Durango, CO look it up) in 8" of snow... it didn't work out well. Mine had 3rd row seating, towing package, and a rear seat DVD player. The most important feature however was the body color door mirrors. Nothing looks dumber on these than those stupid black ones. I miss it sometimes..

Hot Takes Salesman > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
05/19/2015 at 17:50

They need to put the Cadillac CT6 in black right noaw

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > yamahog
05/19/2015 at 17:57

Mostly joking, but honestly it’s terrifying how much people tend to adhere to stereotypes. I used to think a lot of stereotypes were just bad jokes, but from what I’ve seen and the number of cars I’ve repossessed from people of various ethnic groups and the condition of vehicles repossessed from different people, I’ve found black people from ‘da hood’ and white people from “the country, y’all” are two of the most slovenly groups of people ever to own something with four wheels. I don’t even know if racist is really the right term, because I in know way think they don’t deserve all of their human rights, I just judge. A lot.

I’m aware they’re people; I had to repo a car from a kid in the middle of a really bad part of town. He was a walking stereotype; chain, sagging pants, typical hood slang, but when the dude started tearing up when he had to ask us to let him get his stuff out of the car, I had to take a few minutes. People are people, especially when you see them realize that a mistake they made has resulted in what is often their only transportation, way to their job, sometimes their ticket to living is going away... that’s tough.

Erm, that was long winded and rather pointless, sorry. I might make an oppo post about repo adventures, though.

Milky > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
05/19/2015 at 18:08

Real loose with the word “luxury” and I can't stand even looking at that dash. Why is everything 1 inch to the left of the thing below it? Why GM?!

Vicente Esteve > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
05/19/2015 at 18:21

GOOD

Mr. Van > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
05/19/2015 at 18:23

This car is perfect birth control. No fear of sex, ever. (except at the AARP country club mixer, if that’s your thing)

FromCanadaWithLove > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
05/19/2015 at 18:31

* with exception of the Alpina B7, which should always be blue. Apart from that, I can't think of anything.

Opposite Locksmith > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
05/19/2015 at 19:15

Don't be racist

boxrocket > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
05/19/2015 at 20:44

When I worked at a place that rebuilt used cars for a BHPH place, we got a fair amount of Rendezvouses.

They’re awful.

We amused ourselves by coming up with silly derogatory nicknames for them: Ridiculous, Rendiverous, Wretched-vous, Wrecked-vous, and more. We hated them.

Body control modules by the dozen. Electrical problems out the wazoo. Cracked and clouding headlamps less than a couple years old. Suspension issues like crazy, exacerbated by a shitty suspension design that was made for a a minivan, not a crossover, and it shows with parts that are set so low that anything rougher than pavement would probably destroy the car. The interiors were a mess of poorly-fitting, cheap parts, which would fall off or break with the slightest look. The Aztek is less-undesireable, with its more “adventure”-ready interior, even though it wasn’t as nice, relatively.

GM’s successive and contemporary offerings aren’t much better: Trailblazer/Enviy/Rainer/9-7X, Travesty/Acadia/Outlook, etc.

ciscokidinsf > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
05/19/2015 at 22:25

“Instead of driving like an Envoy (which is somewhat similarly sized) it felt more like a 2001 Regal GS”

I don’t think this is a compliment.... that Regal handled like Jell-o

For Sweden > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
05/20/2015 at 14:03

I’d drive it

CalzoneGolem > Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast.
05/20/2015 at 14:07

Everyone has the capacity to be an asshole.

Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast. > CalzoneGolem
05/20/2015 at 14:12

Right, but not everyone lets themselves indulge in it.

CalzoneGolem > Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast.
05/20/2015 at 14:13

I think I’m excited about where this conversation is going.

Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast. > CalzoneGolem
05/20/2015 at 14:35

I never said that I am one of those people.

CalzoneGolem > Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast.
05/20/2015 at 14:53

Who are you letting indulge in your asshole?

Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast. > CalzoneGolem
05/20/2015 at 15:12

You’re an old guy like me.You know how it goes, I try just to limit it to the weekends, but at this age, I’ll take what I can get.

CalzoneGolem > Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast.
05/21/2015 at 08:15

The struggle is real.

High-Flyer > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
01/14/2019 at 15:07

It's low income people not a particular race you're biased against. That's apparently called classism. I always thought of it as "I don't want to hang out with you because you're loud and dirty."